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Confessions of a Quasi-C-List Celeb

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I was warned...I always knew there’d come a day—in fact, before I accepted this position I was guaranteed it!

“You’ll never know when or where, but be prepared,” they said.

There’s no real training for these situations; no online course; no book for dummies. It’s more of an on-the-job kind of thing. Since my first issue, I’ve been on the lookout but, I admit, I’d let my guard down. A couple weeks ago, I was attending a local function, an informal gathering, and some of Bakersfield’s notables were in attendance. Yet a few minutes after our arrival, I felt kinda funny—a sort of nervousness overtook my entire being. My senses picked up on someone paying more attention to our group than normal, yet I couldn’t pinpoint who. A bead of sweat formed at my temple—maybe the afternoon setting sun? Maybe not. This was weird.

As the evening progressed, a “voice” kept telling me “Danger! Will Robinson!” I took in the layout of the room, but didn’t notice any signs of an immediate threat (while mentally noting the only exit was through one door or over the balcony...12 stories below). Yet there was this nagging feeling. Still, I proceeded to the serving line with my posse in tow (my lovely wife, the publisher and his date, and the director of marketing and his wife). Being a quasi-C-list celeb and all, I don’t leave home without them because...you never know.

And that’s when it happened. All of the sudden, outta the shadows steps a woman dressed in black, with a sinister smile, and she’s looming toward me and yelling “Hey! You’re that spider guy!”

Turns out she was one of the friendly event staff and had seen me in the magazine...I’d been recognized!

I stumbled for intelligent words, but only managed a faint “uh huh.” She proceeded to tell me and my posse (who, by this time, had formed an impregnable human shield around me...well sort of) how much she had enjoyed my last editorial; that she and her boyfriend (who was an artist) were really intrigued at the thought of “silver black widows.”

This was no run-of-the-mill stalker—this was a true fan!

They had been right; I had no clue how to act, except a little embarrassed for my lack of dialogue (I’m an introvert by nature). I hope she doesn’t reveal my bad behavior to perezhilton.com!

All in all, I was flattered by the fact that she took time out her day to let me know that I had made a difference in hers—I think that’s really cool. And speaking of cool...we’ve done it again! We’ve compiled another 30-plus item list of the Funkiest People, Grooviest Places, and Hippest Things that make Bakersfield such a cool place to live. That’s right, we’re talking about the COOL Issue: Cool 2.0, with enough local tidbits to keep you the life of trivia nights for years to come. The coolness starts on page 33.

And with the change in seasons comes our annual Corporate Relocation Section. This year, being our 20th presentation, is one of our best—featuring in-depth coverage on TRIP (Thomas Roads Improvement Program) on page 43, as well as a great story on “natural” business in Kern County on page 53. And a favorite of mine: a look at the Mojave Air & Space Port (page 57).

We are also very excited to present the 2010 Borton Pertrini, LLP Bakersfield Business Conference Syllabus in its entirety! Happening every five years now, 2010 marks the 25th Anniversary of the Conference and Bakersfield Magazine was fortunate enough to team up with Borton Petrini, LLP in publishing this commemorative, highly-collectible Conference Syllabus exclusively in your magazine! The Syllabus starts immediately following page 66.

After seeing how great this issue turned out, I think my quasi-C-list celeb status might just be upgraded. Enjoy.

Article appeared in our 27-4 Issue - October 2010